Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
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