Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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