my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
