she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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