it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
