This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
