Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
