chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
