i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it's like iHOP with fire
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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