I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
