Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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