Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
