I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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