Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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