I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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