the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Never joke about your clitoris.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
