Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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