you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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