were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
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All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
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Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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