never play flip cup with pint glasses
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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