I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
