Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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