So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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