This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
