sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
