Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
