I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
