Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
