Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize