I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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