I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
