I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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