hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
