i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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