He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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