So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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