if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
