Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I AM VODKA MAN
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
