you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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