You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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