It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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