Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
