I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
