So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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