My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
