She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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