He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
