Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
