I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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