My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
