You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
