When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
