he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
