I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
