I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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