Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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