Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
