There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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