His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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