i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
