i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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